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You maybe be wondering, how could a young lady such as myself, be a virgin at nineteen? Was I a devoted Christian? Was I an in-the-closet lesbian? If you asked me then, I wouldn’t have an answer for you. I was standing in front of the mirror wondering the same thing. Of course the answer, I thought, was staring right at me. The fat, the fat that was my prison to a lonely world. My life had gotten even more lonely when my parents died in fatal car accident. So I still stood there in front of the mirror totally naked and disgusted with my sorry excuse for a stomach and my gigantic breasts, which I loathed like a sheep herder loathed prowling wolves, trying to find something to wear to their funeral. My cloths of preference were a grey hoody, which hid my bulbous breasts and grey sweats which repelled glances from men with great effect. My head hung slightly, because I knew I couldn’t wear anything like that. My closet was jam packed full of nice girly clothing that my mother bought. We'd discussed it often, when dressed in the lives we showed to outsiders: the Starbucks-domestic world which for want of a better word I'd describe as normal. You were intrigued, but reluctant to hurt me. But could tell from the rhythm of your voice, and the dark glint in your beautiful eyes that the threshold would be crossed. There's pain, and pain, and you are the only person, my love, who will ever earn the trust that allows it to be administered to me. The ache in my nipples is starting to tell. I try to keep as still as possible to prevent the weights from moving, but the cool breeze from the window causes them to swing in a minute arc. Every oscillation shoots pleasure-pain to my core, and causes my sex to respond and flower. I'm straining to hear what you're doing. I'm anticipating. "Six. You count them. Aloud." you say. My heart is racing, but my muscles are not tense. I let myself relax against the cross, waiting for the sound of two quick steps across the floor and.
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